Truth Or Dare: Wizard Style
by Br0wn3yedGirl
Summary: This story is guaranteed to make you laugh...and probably judge me a little. p It's honestly JUST FOR FUN! Read if sad. WARNING-may cause stomach problems and suffocation due to hysterics in future chapters!Don't read if you have heart complications!
1. Nikki's Dare

**A/N** This story (which had previously been posted under a different name—don't ask, long story) is meant to make fun of the HP characters we all know and love dearly. But we love them anyone, and this story is just all for fun! =) This is what happens when you leave a VERY bored teenager trapped in her basement for hours.

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing of Harry Potter and I never will, do I LOOK like a JK Rowling to you? Didn't think so.

* * *

Nikki sighed. Her and her friend Danielle were sitting in the Great Hall, alone and bored out of their minds. Everyone else had left, even the teachers.  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Nikki cried out into the silence, "I NEED SOME ENTERTAINMENT!"  
  
"Yeah, well…join the club," said Danielle yawning.  
  
"I know!" said Nikki getting an idea, "How about we play truth or dare?"  
  
"Fine, whatever," said Danielle, "Truth or dare."  
  
"Hey!" said Nikki, "Why do you get to start?"  
  
"Because I'm the youngest and youngest goes first," replied Danielle.  
  
"No you're not!" said Nikki, "I am!"  
  
"Well, then I start because I'm oldest," said Danielle rolling her eyes, "Truth or dare?  
  
"Dare." said Nikki. Danielle smirked.  
  
"I dare you to act like a lovesick fool to whoever comes into the room first," she said.

Nikki gulped and nodded as someone walked into the Great Hall: It was Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Hey, mudbloods," he sneered, "Clear out, this is my turf."  
  
"You've got to be kidding me," mumbled Nikki. Danielle held back her laughs: Nikki had been crushing on Draco since the first year.  
  
"No, this is _so_ happening," she said. Before Nikki could protest, Danielle raised her wand and pointed it at Nikki.  
  
"_Lovalust_!" she said. Nikki swayed for a minute. She focused her eyes on Draco.  
  
"Holy Cupid," she said, batting her eyelashes, "Who's the sexy beast?"  
  
Danielle rolled off her chair laughing as Draco made a face.  
  
"What the _hell_?" he shouted at Nikki. Nikki got up and put her arms around him.  
  
"I'm Nikki." She said.  
  
"I'm disgusted!" said Draco, "Get off me, lady!"  
  
"Your so sexy when you're angry," Nikki said sweetly gently stroking his platinum blond hair. Danielle was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her face.  
  
Nikki pulled Draco down next to her and tied him to his chair with spello- tape.  
  
"Hey!" said Draco trying to move, but the spello-tape was too sticky, "You can't do that!"  
  
"Wanna see what else I can do?" asked Nikki seductively. Draco looked _terrified_. Danielle pulled herself back into her seat.  
  
"Your turn to ask someone, Nikki," she said, wiping her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. 

"Drakie," she said to Draco, "Truth or _dare_?"  
  
"Don't you call me that!" shouted Draco, "Or I'll-"  
  
"Or you'll what?" said Nikki, applying cherry lipstick, "Pucker up, or answer me: Truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare," said Draco, eyeing Nikki's lips with dread.

* * *

**A/N** So, what would you like to see Ferretboy do? Review and tell me your ideas. I'll pick the one I like best and use it as Draco's dare. If your idea is chosen I will also put you in the chapter! So review and lemme know your ideas, please!


	2. Draco's Dare

**A/N** I chose………………………………..Paige's idea!!! KUDOS TO PAIGE!

**Disclaimer:** I'm not a bitch who steals from people, which means I DON'T own Harry Potter!  
  
"_Dare already_!" shouted Draco, snapping Nikki from her stare.  
  
"Oh yeah, right," said Nikki, "I just can't get over your sexy bod." Draco tried to inch away from her, but then remembered he was tied, er…**taped **to his chair so he gave up.  
  
"I can't think of anything," said Nikki flirtatiously, "Besides you, Drakie."  
  
"Okay lovebird," said Danielle, "That means you, Nikki," she added.  
  
"Yes?" said Nikki, tearing her eyes from Draco.  
  
"Hurry up and think of a dare before-" Danielle started, but she was interrupted by a girl falling from the enchanted ceiling into the chair next to her. Danielle blinked.  
  
"Excuse my French but, WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"  
  
"_Easy_, you don't have to shout!" said the girl, fixing her hair, "My name is Paige, and I'm here to help with Malfoy's dare."  
  
"Paige? As in a piece of paper?" Danielle wondered out loud, "Oh no offense," she added.  
  
"None taken," replied Paige, "I get that a lot."  
  
"Yeah I bet you do," said Danielle, "Anyway, so what's your idea? Tell Nikki."  
  
Paige leaned forward and whispered something to Nikki, who giggled and said,  
  
"Okay Drakie, I dare you to sing, 'I'm A Slave 4 U,' by Britney Spears in front of some teachers and us," then she added dreamily, "In boxers." Paige made a face.  
  
"Ew I did _not_ say that part!" she said.  
  
"I know," said Nikki smiling, "I added that part. And I can't wait to see it in action. But first, I must call Professor Snape." Danielle snickered.

"Snape?" she said, "leave that to me."  
  
Danielle pointed her wand at her throat and said,  
  
"_Sonarus_!"  
  
Her voice echoed throughout the whole school about a hundred times louder than it normally was.  
  
"OH NO! _POTTER_ IS DOING SOMETHING _BAD_ IN THE _GREAT HALL_! I HOPE HE DOSEN'T GET _CAUGHT_! A _TEACHER_ COULD TAKE ABOUT A _MILLION_ POINTS OFF OF _GRYFFINDOR_-"  
  
Professor Snape burst into the room, with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore behind him.  
  
"Where's Potter?" Snape hissed, "200 points from Gryffindor, no wait, _300_, no, 4-" Snape's voice died in his throat. He looked up at one of the tables and saw his favorite student wearing dark pink silk boxers that said, "_I've been a Bad Boy_" on them. He was swaying his hips back and forth and singing a Britney Spears song.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy, what…are…you…_doing_?" he demanded.  
  
"It looks like he's putting on a performance, Severus," said Dumbledore, sounding quite amused, "I suggest we sit down and enjoy it."  
  
Snape and McGonagall both stared at Dumbledore like he was out of his mind, but when he sat down and started humming along with Draco, the other 2 teachers shrugged and sat next to the headmaster.  
  
Halfway into the song, Harry Potter came in followed closely by Colin Creevey. Harry stopped dead at the sight of Draco, who had his back to them at the moment.  
  
"Colin," Harry said, "If you let me borrow your camera for _2 minutes_, I'll do anything you want."  
  
"Will you autograph my fore-head and sneeze in my tissue?" asked Colin eagerly.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever just give me the camera!" Harry snatched the camera from Colin and started taking millions of pictures for blackmail. When Draco turned around on the table and saw him, he went bright red but never-the-less kept singing.  
  
By the time he was done, Harry had used up 27 rolls of film. Draco walked over to Nikki, who was cuddling with his clothes.  
  
"Give me my clothes!" he said angrily, "I'm half naked!"  
  
"Why stop at half?" asked Nikki.  
  
"Ew, I didn't need to hear that!" cried Danielle covering her ears, "Give Draco his clothes, Nikki! _Now_!"  
  
Nikki sadly handed Draco his clothes, and the second he put them on she said,  
  
"Okay, sexy bad boy, it's your turn to ask someone."  
  
Draco turned his eyes on Harry, who was rolling around on the floor, cracking up and beating the floor with his fists.  
  
"Truth or dare, _Potter_!" Draco spat at him.  
  
"D-d-dare," said Harry in between laughs.  
**  
A/N** So, what do you want the boy who lived (aka the-boy-who-just-won't-freakin-die) to do? Review and let me know please! Remember if I pick you, you get put into the story as well as your idea!!

SpEcIaL thanks to Elena Reed, Caido Angeles The Dream Angel, lil miz pureblood and Paige (of course!)


	3. Harry's Dare

**A/N** Thank you all for your **wonderful** ideas! I had a REALLY tough time deciding which one to use for this chapter, there were so many great suggestions! But the dare I have chosen for this chapter is…………………………………………………………………………………AntiPotterDude's! It makes no sense and I love it!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own HP. Hey, I want some cookies...

* * *

Draco, his cheeks still bright red from his dare, tried to think of one for Harry that would wipe that stupid smirk off his face.  
  
"Oh my _god_, Draco!" cried out Danielle, "How long does it take you to think of _one_ little dare? I think you've been spending too much time with Crabbe and Goyle."  
  
"It would be a little bit easier if **_someone_** wasn't breathing down my neck!" said Draco giving Nikki a look.  
  
A long red carpet suddenly flew down from the enchanted ceiling. It was all rolled up and landed in Danielle's lap. It unrolled and a guy sat up and stretched his arms.  
  
Danielle screamed and threw the guy off.  
  
"What the _hell_?" she shrieked, "Has the ceiling suddenly become a highway for losers or something?"  
  
"Excuse me," said Professor Dumbledore smiling, "Let's not be rude to our guests."  
  
"Yeah, whatever," said Danielle turning to the teenage boy who had just rolled out of the carpet, "So what's your name?"  
  
"AntiPotterDude," he said, giving Harry a devilish look.  
  
"Hey!" said Harry indignantly, "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"  
  
"What'd you think?" sneered AntiPotterDude.  
  
"I think you're here to help Drakie with Harry's dare," piped up Nikki.  
  
"No, really?" said AntiPotterDude sarcastically, "Come here, Malfoy, I haven't got all day."  
  
AntiPotterDude whispered something to Draco. Draco looked at him like he was insane.  
  
"What the fuck? Are you _mad_?"  
  
"No," said AntiPotterDude, "You better say it before my time is up."  
  
"Um, okay then," said Draco, "Potter, your dare is to propose to Professor Snape after announcing your love for Madame Hooch."  
  
Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall started cracking up as Snape glared at AntiPotterDude and yelled,  
  
"You're expelled!"  
  
"What?" said AntiPotterDude, "You can't expel me! I don't even go to this school!"  
  
"Would you like to join starting now?" asked Snape coldly.  
  
"Um, okay," said AntiPotterDude.  
  
"You're expelled!" shouted Snape, "Get lost! Go back to wherever the hell you came from!"  
  
"Now now, Severus," said Dumbledore chuckling, "No need for language."  
  
"Headmaster," said Snape in a voice of forced calm, "You can't possibly allow them to continue to play such a foolish game! It's unheard of!"  
  
"Well then perhaps you need a hearing aid Severus, because I specifically heard Albus say that they may continue with their game," said Professor McGonagall coldly, "Now just grin and bear it!"  
  
"Have you gone _insane_, woman?!" cried Snape.  
  
"No! Now put a lid on it will you!" snapped Professor McGonagall, "It's Mr. Potter's dare, not yours."  
  
"Can't you think of something _else_!" pleaded Harry to AntiPotterDude.  
  
"No," said AntiPotterDude, "And even if I could, It wouldn't be pretty, I mean c'mon, I'm anti-you!"  
  
"Everyone's a critic," muttered Harry, "Alright. I'll do it."  
  
Harry stood up on one of the tables and recited a poem:  
  
"Oh Madame Hooch, I love you so! I even notice, when your boobs grow! I pine for you, I need your touch! I love you oh so very much!"  
  
Danielle and AntiPotterDude fell to the floor laughing, Professors McGonagall and Snape wiped tears of laughter from each others eyes, Nikki threw her arms around Draco and giggled while Draco tried to throw her off, Colin rolled off his chair and smashed his camera, and Dumbledore cried out, "That was _so beautiful_!"  
  
Harry walked over to Professor Snape and conjured up a ring box with his wand. He knelt before Snape and said,  
  
"Dear, Severus. I despise you so much and I think a toad that got run over by a 1 million pound train would look prettier than you. I hate your guts and I always will. It is with all these things in mind that I ask you to marry me. To be my bride! To be my wife!"  
  
"1 MILLION POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!" shouted Snape, "GO MARRY YOUR LOVE MADAME HOOCH AND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!"  
  
"Oh Hoochey!" Harry cried out, running out of the great hall, "Come sleep with me, Darling!"  
  
Everyone stopped laughing and stared at the door where Harry had disappeared from.  
  
"Allow me to be the first one to say," spoke up Danielle, "I think I'm gonna be sick."  
  
"Allow me to be the first one to say," said Nikki, "I love you Drakie. How about you and me get into a bed like Potter and-"  
  
"EW! NO!" shouted Draco, "Get away from me, sicko!"  
  
"But why, Drakie?" said Nikki, "I'm in love with you."  
  
Harry ran back in at that moment wearing red silk boxers.  
  
"I forgot," he said, "It's my turn to ask the question. Truth or dare, Professor Snape?"  
  
"Truth," said Snape, looking at Harry like he had 3 heads.

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**A/N** So, how was it? Sorry if it got a little too nasty, (VERY sorry The Wolf's Pen, lol, DON'T HATE ME! IT WAS SOMETHING I HAD TO DO! lol, but, review it anyway!   
  
**_SpEcIaL ThAnKs tO: _**Fade t0 Blackk, Ronnie, GingerNCeline, SandDollaHuNnY, valkerie, Stephanie, harrylissa=love, The Wolf's Pen, Caido Angeles The Dream Angel, twinkle25, divinething, weakening body, Banana Princes aka Carolyn and of course, AntiPotterDude!


	4. Snape's Truth

**A/N** Yay chapter 4! The person whose idea I have chosen for this chapter is Emzizfabz! YAY EMZIZFABZ! I chose hers because it opened up a way to bring in some new characters, and it's a really good idea as well!

**In answer to someone's question, Nikki is in Hufflepuff and Danielle is in Gryffindor. They're all in like—their 7th year and for all character purposes, no deaths that take place in the book are honored here (therefore everyone {except Lily and James} are alive!)**

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter is not mine. I own nothing of Harry Potter. Yo yo…yo? Lol j/k

* * *

"Truth?" laughed Harry, "Ha Malfoy; your head of house is a coward!"

"Well your head of house is an old prune who sleeps with the headmaster!" retorted Draco.

Professor McGonagall's face drained of all color as Dumbledore's eyes got large and round as he said, "How did you _know_?"

"Oh c'mon Dumbledore it's so obvious," stated Colin Creevey matter-of-factly, "I mean, you're always prancing around the school like your on E, and every few seconds you grab your crotch! I've got a picture of that actually right—"

Colin took out his camera but before he could do anything Dumbledore grabbed it from him.

"Give me that!" he shouted and before anyone could even blink Dumbledore swallowed the camera whole.

Everyone stared at him.

"Did he just _eat_ Colin's camera?" Danielle asked bluntly.

"Um…no?" said Dumbledore uncertainly.

"Oh, okay then," everyone chirped.

"So anyway," said Nikki, wrapping her arms around Draco from in front of him and massaging his back, "What is Snape's truth question?"

Taking a leaf out of Dumbledore's book, Draco attempted to eat his problem.

"OW!" shrieked Nikki, "You _bit_ my nose! _FUCK_ THAT HURTS!"

Everyone gasped.

"Nikki…" Danielle said, her big brown eyes wide with shock, "You said the 'F-word.'"

"Yeah, so?" said Nikki angrily rubbing her nose.

"You know what that means…" said Harry and everyone watched as Draco sprinted out of the great hall to get changed in the nearest broom closet.

"YOU'RE NOT HARRY!" screamed a voice so loud that it reached the Great Hall. When Harry heard it he stood up and ran from the Great hall yelling,

"I'm coming Hoochey, Darling!"

Draco ran back in wearing a red Speedo over blue spandex tights and a long red cape with a blue muscle tee that said "_PROFANITY WATCHERS!_" on it.

"Da, da daaaaaaaaaaa!" he yelled, "Profanity Watchers, away!" and with that he dove at Nikki, grabbed her and chucked her out the nearest window.

Everyone leaned toward the window as they heard Nikki's fading scream finished with a loud splash that could only mean she had landed in the lake.

"Yeah so anyway what's Snape's truth question?" asked Danielle nonchalantly.

"I dunno isn't Harry supposed to think of it?" shrugged Colin.

"He's not here, so screw him," said Danielle.

"Isn't Madame Hooch doing that?" snickered Draco. Danielle smacked him up-side the head.

"OW! You b-… bad person…" Draco faltered sheepishly.

"Wow, you people are idiots," called a mysterious female voice from above (as in the ceiling).

"Pardon me?" replied McGonagall drawing herself up and attempting to glare at the invisible voice, which chuckled.

"Look, I'll help you out," it said, and a girl with really big angel wings descended on top of them. When it was about 6 feet from the ground the wings fell off and she fell on top of Danielle.

"Why must they always land on _me_?" Danielle grumbled, rubbing the spot where the girl had elbowed her in the ribs.

"Sorry, I'm Emzizfabz!" the girl chirped cheerfully.

"Bless you," replied Danielle.

Emzizfabz, who has obviously read this story and therefore knows that Danielle is just being a sarcastic little prick, ignores her.

"Oooookay then," said Danielle as Draco started dancing to the Men In Black theme song, "You gonna help us with Snape's truth?"

"Hey Snape, have you ever washed your hair?" asked Emzizfabz thoughtfully.

"What?" barked Snape, "How _dare_ you insist that I take care of my own hygiene needs!? What are desperately failing students _for_?"

Dumbledore and McGonagall looked at him blankly, then started cracking up as a certain muggle pop star came to mind cough Michael Jackson cough

"Right, too much information," said Emzizfabz, sticking her tongue out in disgust, "But that wasn't your truth, your truth is; Why did you _start_ to hate James Potter. Ya know, before he knew a loser like you existed and didn't torture you, you still had a grudge against him."

"How do you know that?" spat Snape, a bit frightened. Emzizfabz's eyes flashed and she actually levitated a few feet off the ground.

"BECAUSE I AM FRIEND OF THE ALMIGHTY GALADRIEL OF LOTHLORIEN AND I KNOW ALL! MWA HA HA HA!!!"

"The almighty who of what?" asked Danielle confused, as Emzizfabz floated back to the ground.

"Don't ask," said Emzizfabz, "So Snape, answer the question…truthfully."

Snape bit his lip. And then burst into tears.

"BECAUSE I WAS IN LOVE WITH LILY!" he sobbed.

The room went silent. Harry ran back into the room wearing nothing.

"Ah! My eyes!" shrieked Danielle, throwing her hands up to shield her face.

"Ah! My virgin eyes!" cried Snape.

Everyone stared at him. A loud almost dog-like bark of a laugh was heard.

"Sirius?" said Harry as his godfather and Remus Lupin walked into the room.

"Ha! Snivellus you're still a virgin in your thirties?" sneered Sirius.

"Figures," said Remus, still managing to somehow sound good-natured as he always does.

"Why the hell are you two here?" asked Danielle.

Sirius looked at her and shrugged.

"We heard there was free food," he answered simply, "Oh and Harry," he said turning around to face him, "Your dad's coming to haunt Snape for a while cause he fancies his deceased wife."

"WHAT?" screamed Harry turning on Snape, "YOU LIKED MY _MOM_! DUDE THAT'S JUST _WRONG_! EW YOU COULD'VE BEEN MY FATHER!"

"He hasn't even experienced the child-making process yet, Harry," Sirius snickered, "So I doubt that would be so. And the fact that no female in their right mind would come within a 20 foot radius of him, unless it was to whack him in the face with their purses and scream at him for scaring their daughters senseless with insultingly pathetic pick-up lines."

"Yeah, now where are the cookies?" asked Peter Pettigrew, running in and scanning the room.

"BOO! I'M GOING TO HAUNT YOU, SNIVELLUS! Umm…BOO!" boomed a ghostly voice.

"Wow," said Sirius sympathetically to Remus and Peter, "He sucks at this."

"Cookie?" replied Peter as Remus nodded sadly.

"Peter…no," said Sirius.

"I AM GOING TO SCARE YOU!" roared a ghost James, hovering up next to Snape, "WOOOOO!"

"Truth or dare, Potter!" Snape spat at him.

"MWA HA HA, YOU FEAR ME! I CAN SENSE IT!" laughed James.

"Potter," said Snape, "I said—"

"DO NOT TRY TO DIVERT ME WITH SILLY QUESTIONS, MORTAL!" cried James.

"It's hypothetical, Prongsie," said Sirius rolling his bright blue eyes.

"Oh okay then," said ghost-James floating into a sitting position just above the bench.

"Truth or dare?" asked Snape.

"Dare," said James, "Only a **pansy** would pick truth."

* * *

**A/N** wow this is a random chapter lol. So what should Mr. Wanna-be-scarey-ghost James have to do? REVIEW! Even if you don't have an idea!

**_Special Thanks to:_** Fade t0 Blackk, sleepintheshadows, weakening body, Mink1, divinething, EmeraldLily501 and obviously Ms. Emzizfabz! Whooo! lol


	5. James's Dare

**A/N** Weeeeeee! The person who's idea I am using for this chapter is…..

…………

………..

…………….

…………

……….

**Drumroll…**

…………..

…………

…………….

…………

…………

quiet x ruler!!!!!!!! **Cheer!!!**

And she is a very lucky girl indeed. Since Nikki has been (ahem) "discarded of," we need a new host to assist Miss Danielle of Gryffindor, and that is quiet x ruler! Since she was chosen for this great honor I e-mailed her to find out her name…which is Karissa. So joining us as a host shall be Miss Karissa of Slytherin!

**FYI:**

The reason for the long wait for an update was I was on a cruise from the 7th to the 14th and was unable to update, but now I'm back and updates won't take that long anymore.

**Also IMPORTANT STUFF:**

I will be changing the rating of this story to "R" due to um…the sickness of well, this chapter and possibly later chapters. Sorry if you don't like that stuff, but hilarium usually involves sex, lol.

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter…is not mine.

* * *

Snape scowled at James's referral to him as a **pansy** but remained silent, due to the fact that he was busy thinking up the most torturous dare he possibly could for his old "friend."

The other Marauders crowded around Snape, and Remus started poking him consistently.

"Wow…he's slower than Pete," observed Sirius, "And **he** still hasn't realized that there are NO COOKIES here."

"Cookie…?" asked Peter, leaning his head slightly to the left with a puzzled expression on his fat face.

"Yes Peter," said Sirius tiredly, "Cookie."

"LUPIN WILL YOU STOP INJECTING YOUR INDEX FINGER INTO MY FLESH!" Snape roared at Remus, who screamed like a little girl and hid under the table.

Everyone looked at him strangely…especially when he came back up and continued to poke Snape a second later. Snape then attempted to bite off his finger…but missed…thankfully…and instead he ended up scarfing down Dumbledore's half-moon glasses.

"NOOOOOO!" shouted Dumbledore, "Those were my _thing_ in the book! My _thing_, you hear? J.K. Rowling ALWAYS talks about how my glasses are HALF MOON and EVERYONE knows me by them! They were my _thing_! _I had a **thing**_…._and you ATE it_! YOU ATE MY _THING_!"

The whole room went silent…until Danielle burst into peels of laughter.

"Dude…" she said wiping tears from her eyes, "That…sounded…_so_…wrong!"

McGonagall stood up, furious.

"ALBUS!" she roared, "YOU SAID I WAS THE ONLY PERSON TO EVER TAKE POSSESSION OF YOUR _THING_! You lied to me! So you weren't a virgin when you met me after all! When we did it the first time, it was only MY first time? You _MAN_-WHORE!"

"Wait! Minnie, I can explain!" cried Dumbledore, jumping up and walking over to her, "Miss Ginny Weasley was indisposed during her first year what with the whole Tom Riddle thing going on and all, so I gave her the only comfort I could. I fucked her so hard my thing was sore, Minnie, my thing was _sore_!" McGonagall's eyes flashed jealously.

"Albs, did **I **ever make your thing sore?" she demanded quietly.

"Well…I…" stuttered Dumbledore but Minerva McGonagall had had enough.

"That's it Albus, we're THROUGH!" screamed McGonagall, storming out of the room, "I'll show you exactly what you're missing someday!" she called over her shoulder and then she was no where in sight.

Silence rang throughout the Great Hall, until a mysterious girl came swinging from the chandelier and landed with a big thud on (surprise surprise) Danielle.

"Oh my friggin GOD!" Danielle shrieked and without warning she jumped on top of the girl and started beating her to a pulp.

Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Ghost-James circled them with interest.

"Ooo cat fight," grinned Sirius.

"What did that poor other girl do to that girl?" asked Remus furrowing his brows as he watched the new light brown-haired blue-eyed girl with sympathy.

"You mean other than fall on her?" asked James.

"Who **is** that girl anyway?" asked Sirius surveying the dark brown-haired brown-eyed girl.

"Umm Danielle or something," said James.

"Uh, who's the girl who's getting her ass kicked for virtually no reason?" asked Remus.

"Haha! For once it's not me!" sang Peter.

The other 3 marauders just looked at him and shook their heads.

"I'm…Karissa…!" gasped the girl, smacking Danielle in the face.

"YOU BITCH!" roared Danielle, "How **dare** you retaliate!" and she punched Karissa hard in the face.

"Whoa tootsie, slow your roll," said Sirius, grabbing Danielle by the arms as Peter grabbed Karissa. Danielle was spasing out though, so Lupin had to come over and help Sirius pull her away from Karissa, while Ghost-James attempted to help pull the Karissa girl.

When they were finally calmed down, Danielle's lip was cut open and bleeding and Karissa had a black eye. In attempt to make a truce with the hostess, Karissa asked Danielle sheepishly, "Hey do you like ice cream?"

Danielle brightened.

"Yeah!" she replied enthusiastically, "Do you?"

"Of course!" said Karissa.

"Well that's good enough for me," said Danielle, "Welcome to our game, you can be my co-host!"

"Ummm…what?" said Karissa.

"We're playing truth or dare. I started it, my other friend got chucked out the window by a super-hero wanna-be, so you can take her place, okay? Quick, truth or dare?"

"Um…dare?" said Karissa.

"I dare you to think of Potter Senior's dare," Danielle said gesturing towards Ghost-James.

"Umm…is he dead?" asked Karissa.

"Is he a cookie?" asked Peter eagerly and Sirius whacked him upside the head.

"Yes, got a problem **mortal**?" James said angrily to Karissa.

"Uh no…" said Karissa quickly, not wanting to upset a mental-case spirit, "Uh, your dare is to attempt to chop off the rest of Nearly Headless Nick's head, since you're a ghost and you can."

"WHAT?" cried James, "No _way_! That's disgusting and wrong!"

"So is Peter, Prongs, but we've yet to avoid him," said Sirius in mock (maybe) seriousness.

"Go chop down your cherry tree, George," said Remus pleasantly, winking at James.

"I USED TO CHOP MINERVA'S CHERRY TREE!" wailed Dumbledore, and when he saw that everyone was looking at him he muttered an apology and shut up.

"I miss **my** woman's cherries," said the nude Harry Potter thoughtfully, "OH HOOCHEY!" And he left blessing everyone with the first hand sight of a major erection on his part as fled the room.

"How does he get it to stay that stiff?" Snape whispered to Dumbledore.

"He's young," advised Dumbledore.

"No he's **small**," snickered Draco, "It can't be hard to keep that thing up."

"EWWWW SHUT UP YOU PEOPLE!" shrieked Danielle covering her ears and rocking back and forth slightly hysterically, "JAMES POTTER DO YOUR DARE!"

James gave her a blank look.

"**_NOW_**!" Danielle screamed at him. And James accepted an axe from Snape, on account of the lightning and thunderclouds that accompanied Danielle's demand.

"Yo Snivels, why do you carry an axe around with you?" questioned James quickly.

"It's to beat off the ladies," said Sirius wiggling his eyebrows in mock suggestiveness as the other marauders, Danielle and Karissa snickered.

"Sod off, Potter," spat Snape, blushing furiously, "What I use as sex toys in my masturbation sessions are none of your business!"

Needless to say, James shut up after that.

"Err…Nick? Nearly Headless Nick?" he called nervously, hiding the axe behind his back, "Could I speak to you for a moment?"

Nearly Headless Nick came floating over, giving off the depressed vibe he usually seems to radiate and wearing another one of those high-collared shirts.

"Err," said James, wondering how he'd do this properly with fabric in his way, and figuring he needed to get Nick to take off his shirt, "Um, it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes…"

Nick blinked at him.

"What?" he said blankly, "Mr. Potter, is there something you'd like to say to me," then he added, sounding quite flattered, "Are you attracted to me, physically?"

"Umm…" said James, shooting Sirius a glare as he began laughing uncontrollably, "Sure. I mean…" said James, getting into it (not because he was gay, but because he was a total Drama-King) "Yes, Sir Nicholas. I've always found you quite sexy."

"My dear James," said Nick, fluttering his eyelashes, "I've always had feelings for you as well…."

Everyone looked up at them with their mouths wide open.

"Nearly Headless Nick's **gay**?" said Danielle, a bit too loudly.

But Nick ignored her and grabbed a rather frightened James by the ass, pulling him towards him.

"What would Lily say?" he asked huskily.

"Ummm…" said James, "Take off your shirt, I erm…w-want you…" he made a gagging sound but quickly covered it up with a cough.

Nick flashed him a seductive smile and cooed, "You do it, James Potter," and he licked his lips as he uttered James's name.

James promptly ripped off Nick's shirt ("oo, feisty," said Nick) and pulled out the axe and aimed a blow at Nick's severed neck.

Nick's head fell forward off his body and rolled down James's front, Nick's head started biting the air frantically in order to stop it from falling anymore, till it finally met a bulge in the front of James's pants and latched on.

"_AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_!" James shrieked like a 4 year old girl and zoomed out of the room, Nick's head still attached to his crotch, and his body fumbling around, arms groping at the air, floated after him.

The room was silent…except for Sirius who was in bursts of uncontrollable laughter. Danielle walked over to him and gently pulled him aside, placing an arm around his shoulders and trying to calm him down, while suggesting quite a few psychiatrists for him to speak with.

Just then, Ron and Hermione burst into the Great Hall.

"_Alohomora_!" cried Hermione.

"Hermione…" said Ron, "the doors aren't locked. They're not even _closed_."

"So?" barked Hermione, "We heard someone scream and I came to the rescue with perfectly casted magic! Is it _wrong_ to show that I am one of the smartest people in the world and know how to cast a delectable "Alohomora" spell?"

"Uhhh…no ma'am?" Ron replied uncertainly.

"Precisely, Ronald," Hermione replied.

Seeing how it was Nearly Headless Nick's turn to truth or dare someone, and he was (ahem) preoccupied at the moment, and that the main hostess Danielle was ACTUALLY reducing Sirius's barking shrieks of laughter to hearty chuckles, Karissa decided to step in and take up where Nick _should have_ left off.

"Okay umm…truth or dare Ron?"

"Huh?" said Ron, "is this a trick question?"

Hermione rolled her eyes at him.

"No, Ron, it's not. Just choose one, truth or dare. It's a muggle game."

"Oh," said Ron, screwing up his face in concentration, "Alright then, well, since I don't like to tell the truth…I pick dare!"

"Ha!" said Danielle, leading a now considerably calmer Sirius back over to them, "You shall now learn from your newest mistake, Ron. It seems that in this particular game, dare is the **wrong choice** if you want to stay sane."

* * *

**A/N** Dun dun DUN! What should ickle Ronniekins have to DO? Lemme know! Remember, If I pick your idea, you get put in the story for the chapter! Okay…

**First off:** REVIEW DAMMIT! I know the site is down the next 2 days (Aug 17th-18th) for reviewing, but after those 2 days, you get back on here and review or I will not update. I refuse to update unless I have at least 10 reviews each chapter, so if you want me to update anytime soon, come Aug. 19th, get on your computer and REVIEW!

**Second off:** Someone (I'll go find out who later, lol) has been requesting Hermione get dared to fake an orgasm. I am strongly considering this option, because of course, Ms. Perfect will eventually be asked the almighty question of this story, "truth or dare?" Just letting you know it may happen, but I'm not making any promises yet ;)

**Third Off:** _DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW COME AUGUST 19TH (OR IF YOU READ THIS THE 16TH THEN YOU CAN REVIEW THEN) BECAUSE YOU CANNOT REVIEW OR LOG IN ON THE 17TH AND 18!!!!!!_

_Special Thanks To:_ divinething, portmanroxsmysoxs, **Sue H** (sorry for missing you on the previous chapter, I'll make you bold this time!), Bland Taste, Lum0s, evil-pillow (luv the pen name! :)), creeppieness, SuckerForGrint06, lil miz pureblood, GingerNCeline, Lorelei Star, Lol, mZp0HF3CT, crystaldreams611 and quiet x ruler (duh!)


	6. Ron's Dare

**A/N** I'm ALIVE! I'm so so so SORRY! It's the schoolwork—I just entered High School, freshman year is HARD DAMMIT! Yeah, and I'm in 3 honors classes, groans it sucks the homework is horrible…but I didn't forget about you! ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

Haha yeah and I'm really sorry about the graphic/nasty/utterly WRONG parts of this…especially the dumbledore/mcgonagall crud that sum people find to be a little much, lol. But let me remind you all that this IS rated "R" after all. If you don't get the sick hysterical pleasure some of us psychos get outta certain parts of this simply skip over them. Lol enjoy the next chappie!

Anyways now for the more important announcement that you've all been waiting for…this chapter's featuring….

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Weasleylover35753 aka "Rachel"!!!!!

CONGRATS TO YOU!! Because you are also…the NEW CO-HOSTESS!

Read on to find out why…

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"Sane?" repeated Ron, raising an eyebrow, "Why wouldn't I be sane after playing this stupid muggle—"

"Oh, Ron!" cried Harry, running into the Great Hall wearing Madame Hooch's bright red thong and push-up bra and putting an arm around his best friend's shoulders, "Damn that Hooch is one _fine_ woman!"

Ron gaped at him, and whether it was for his words or his attire the world may never know. Ron gave a fleeting glance from one side of the hall to the other, jumped upon the table and started pounding his chest with his fists like a gorilla.

"WHAT IS THIS PLACE?" he boomed.

Silence. Then…

"…cookie?" came Peter's tentative suggestion. Sirius looked like he was gonna kill himself.

"FOR THE LAST TIME PETER!" he growled, "THERE ARE…NO…COOKIES! And you know what, Pete? I DON'T EVEN _LIKE_ COOKIES!"

Silence once again filled the hall, and every head, stunned, turned towards Sirius.

Hermione stepped forward, infuriated.

"You don't like cookies?" she said, quietly and menacingly, "Cookies are the very foundation in which our establishment thrives on. Without cookies, the world as we know it would crumble, collapse and PERISH!"

As the whole room nodded in agreement Peter shook his head in Sirius's direction and muttered, "There is no God…"

"**_I_** AM GOD!" shouted Dumbledore, jumping up and causing lightning to strike and hit Draco in the umm…privates…

Draco screamed the highest pitched scream imaginable and ran around the hall in circles screaming, "MY DICK!"

Finally he stopped running and took a deep breath. And as he did that, his umm, "dick" disintegrated off of him from the heated electricity. Draco blinked down, looking between his legs.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he shrieked, "FUCK THIS SHIT! I _NEEDED_ THAT!"

"Wow…" said Remus pleasantly, "How is he going to use the bathroom now?" Sirius sniggered.

"Who cares?" he said, "How's he gonna have _sex _now?"

"DAMMIT DAMMIT _DAMMIT!_" shrieked Draco, returning to running around in circles again, "I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO PROFESSOR SPROUT TOMORROW! HOW THE FUCK ELSE AM I GONNA PASS HERBOLOGY?"

"Haha sucks for you," said Harry in a sing song voice, starting to do the mocarana in Madame Hooch's underthings.

"Okay…ANYWAY!" said Danielle, clapping her hands loudly to restore order, "Let's see what emotionally scarring task Mr Weasley's going to have to complete…"

Just then, another girl fell from the ceiling…but since she was screaming the whole way down, Danielle noticed her and stepped aside leaving the girl to fall onto the bench.

"HA!" Danielle screamed, punching the air and jumping up in triumph, "The loser from space did NOT fall on me this—"

But Danielle didn't get to finish her sentence as a second girl had just landed right on top of her, sending her crashing down to the floor.

"FUCK YOU!" shrieked Danielle, jumping up and throwing the girl off, "FUCK YOU _ALL_!"

"I like the way this girl thinks…" Sirius said to Remus and Peter, grinning.

"Umm," said Karissa, helping up the first girl, "Hey, I'm Karissa. Are you here to assist us with Ron's dare?"

"Yeah," said the girl, shooting a rather frightened look at a seething Danielle.

"What's your name?" Karissa asked politely.

"Weaselylover35753," said the girl, casting a shy glance over at Ron whose ears turned bright red.

"Robot…"muttered Danielle.

"Um…but you can just call me Rachel," she added.

"And I'm just here to make sure one of us fell on you" said the second girl to Danielle, shrugging and then jumping out the window casually…and everyone thought it better just to pretend it never happened.

"Well we're happy to have you here!" Karissa chirped at Rachel.

"Yeah whatever," said Danielle, "So what's it gonna be for ickle Ronniekins?"

"Oo Oo I know!" cried Rachel excitedly, "How about we have Ron cross dress, than jump on the table dancing and singing "Yeah" by Usher?"

Both Danielle and Karissa blinked at her.

"That…is the greatest I've EVER heard!" Danielle exclaimed.

"Uh…" said Karissa, isn't that a bit…harsh?"

"Okay, that's the last straw…Draco?" Danielle said exasperated.

Draco stopped his frantic running around in circles and solemnly walked up to stand beside Danielle.

"Ahem," he said, clearing his throat and unrolling a ridiculously long sheet of parchment, "Due to your severe case a niceness maximus, 'state convicted here' will be—"

"Oh give me that!" snapped Danielle, tearing the parchment away from Draco, "In short, you're being too friggin nice Karissa, so…we're going to have to ask you to leave the premises, or else suffer the consequences."

"I now pronounce you husband and wife!" Draco cried, overjoyed as he hugged Karissa in congratulations and wiped a tear from his eye.

"Um…yeah…" said Danielle taking a casual step away from him, "So anyway—"

"YOU MAY NOW KISS THE BRIDE!" shrieked Draco.

"DRACO!" screamed Danielle, "SHUT UP!"

"Um…what?" replied Karissa, politely puzzeled.

"Okay that's it," Danielle snapped her fingers and Dumbledore shimmied over to them in a "genie" outfit. Purple see-through pants and a bikini belly-shirt. His shimmying intensified as he started singing, "I'm a Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera. He grabbed Karissa and did the tango with her (still singing "I'm a Genie in a bottle") until they reached the window, then he picked her up and dropped her out the window.

Everyone listened for her fading scream to come to a sudden crash…but it never did.

"Umm…okay…" said Rachel, "anyway…"

Danielle pouted.

"Aww damn," she said, "Now I need a new co-host…"

"I'll do it!" said Peter eagerly.

"Um, how 'bout no…" said Danielle. She turned to Rachel, "I like you, though. You dared Ron to cross-dress. You wanna co-host the show with me?"

"Umm sure…" said Rachel, "So um, Ron let's get started on your dare…" Ron laughed nervously.

"There is NO way you are getting me to—"

"_Impedimenta_!" Danielle said, waving her wand lazily and causing Ron to freeze in place, "Hurry Rach, it's temporary…"

Rachel grinned deviously and quickly slipped Ron into a pink power ranger costume, with black leather hooker boots. She applied dark red lipstick and heavy eyeliner with dark blue eye shadow, and added a long blonde wig on him to top off the "look."

The curse deteriorated and Ron blinked. Rachel smirked and handed him a mirror, while across the room you could hear Sirius laughing hysterically and saying,

"He looks more gay than this guy!" and pointing at a random picture of Legolas Greenleaf that had fallen out of Karissa's pocket before she was, ahem, disposed of.

Ron stared, horrified at his reflection in the mirror.

"Wow…" said Harry approvingly, "You're hot."

"I'M A BLOODY PANSY THAT'S WHAT I AM!" exclaimed Ron furiously.

"I know!" laughed Sirius, "It's so _great_! Peter you're finally not alone!"

Peter blushed furiously and muttered that he wasn't as pretty as _Ron_ was, but if anyone heard it they chose to pretend they hadn't.

"Ready, Ronnie?" called Danielle sweetly, "And…action!"

The lights in the great hall dimmed and a huge spotlight formed on Ron as Rachel qued the background music to "Yeah."

Ron started to sing, gettting more and more into it by the second. He may have forgotten that he wasn't a girl, as he fluttered his eyelashes at Dumbledore and kicked off his boots teasingly as he walked towards him. Ron started shimmying around Dumbledore in his pink power rangers outfit and Dumbeldore yelled, "OH YEAH, BABY!" and grabbed his ass.

Ron giggled and continued the song, jumping up on the table and pumping out the moves, eventually Ron pulled Hermione up there with him and started ramming (still with clothes on, mind you, you sick, sick people! lol) his private place into Hermione's ass. Hermione thrust up her skirt and they humped each other.

"Sweet!" called out Sirius, "Girl on girl action!" he turned to Lupin. "I'm feeling very horny now." Lupin sighed.

"Now now Sirius," he said, "Did you take your pills today?"

"Maybe…" replied Sirius, his eyes rushing back to Ron who was now very suggestively showing off his non-existent chest.

Peter jumped up on the table excitedly and grabbed the mike from Ron.

The music shut off and new music started playing…

"I got, the magic stick," sang Peter, "I know if I can hit once, I can hit twice…I'll show you magic…"

"What, what?" giggled Ron.

"Magic…" echoed Hermione.

Ron started shaking his hips so vigorously while dancing around Peter that his skirt started to slip off…

"Peter's finally getting some…" laughed Sirius as Lupin chuckled.

"Ew no he's NOT and…CUT!" cried Danielle. The lights came back on, the music stopped, and Ron relealized what the hell he was doing…

"So Rhonda…" said Peter smoothly, winking suggestively as he slid closer to Ron, "My house, 8:00, be there….my bed has silk sheets…"

"MICHAEL JACKSON ALERT!" shrieked Danielle and Sirius at the same time.

"I AM NOT A GIRL, YOU SICKO!" screamed Ron, throwing off all his clothes and putting on a pink fluffy robe Hermione handed him. Peter pouted.

"Aw come on, does it really _matter_?" he whined, "I was gonna get me some mad sex tonight—"

"EW NO YOU WEREN'T!" Ron shouted at him.

"INTERVENTION!" shouted the impotent Draco Malfoy as he picked Peter up, held him above his head, and ran out of the great hall wildly cackling like a maniac on the loose.

"Yeah, anyway…" said Danielle, as Rachel put an arm around Ron and handed him some fuzzy pink bunny slippers to make him feel better, "Ron your turn to ask someone the question of doom."

"Hermione," said Ron, slipping on his slippers, "Truth or Dare?"

* * *

**A/N** Well well well, what does everyone want to see Miss "I've read _Hogwarts, A History_" permenently scar everyone in the great hall with? I know one of you is obsessed with having her fake an orgasm, lol. So REVIEW and tell me or I cannot update. :( lol.

**_&&Special Thanks To…&& _**punk-rock-chix, Caido Angeles The Dream Angel, katriana souless, Sue H, Kt Boo, quiet x ruler, divinething, SandDollaHuNnY, lil miz pureblood, Lorelei Star, GingerNCeline, anonymous, MrsBlack, Ben's Little Mickey, HarrYsLuveR13, finally-defeated, iris, torybabe, HP Fanatic5, TheGhostofLilyPotter, girltraveler, sweet raptured light and OF COURSE Danielle's new co-hostess…Weasleylover35753 aka Rachel! :)

Thank you all so much and I love you all. FYI incase you're wondering how I list these names, it's not like I favor the people who come first or last or whatever, I just type you guys up in the order of who reviews first so I don't get more confused than I already am..mwa haha.

_lol_


	7. Hermione's Dare

**A/N** Don't hate me I swear I'll update sooner next time! Lol. I'll keep this short and sweet….go read and review my minions! Lol jk :-) R&R, please!

**Disclaimer:** Oh my gosh…I don't own Harry Potter….Oh my gosh…deal with it.

Okay while I was very tempted to do the Hermione orgasm thing…I think I'm gonna go with this one instead just because it seemed perfect for her, lol….hey wait! Dude, I just got an idea! Haha I can _combine_ this with the orgasm thing…oh lord I have a sick mind. Lol please don't hate me for this chapter I think things are definitely gonna get even _more_ sick and freaky, lol. ;-)

WINNNER IS……………………………………………………._ major issues 4 life! Aka Mary!_

C.O.N.G.R.A.T.S!

Anyway on with the chapter…

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"Well I don't know," said Hermione quizzically, promptly ignoring the fact that Ron was giggling and playing with his new bunny slippers, "What would be the philosophical thing to do?"

"Hermione…what the fuck?" said Danielle very bluntly, "Truth, or dare. It's simple. Pick one."

"Aww you guys are soooo cute!" Ron cooed at his bunny slippers, "I'm going to take you home with me over the summer! Yes I am! And I'm going to feed you lots of pop-tarts you adorable little critters! Yes, you're sooo adorable, yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Yes you—"

Professor Snape chucked a large axe at Ron, who dodged it but shrieked as it chopped off the bunnies' ears.

"OH MY GOD!" screamed Ron, "MY BABIES!"

"I'LL HAVE YOUR BABIES, RONALD!" cried Dumbledore, "TAKE ME NOW!"

"WHY IS EVERYONE GAY?" moaned James being chased into the room by a horny Nearly Headless Nick.

"Why are only the _guys_ gay?" pouted Sirius.

"Why doesn't Sirius like cookies!" demanded Peter.

"OF ALL BLOODY BODY PARTS," cried Draco, "WHY MY _BALLS_?"

"WHY WON'T YOU ALL SHUT UP?" shrieked Danielle, but it was to no avail, she gestured exasperatedly at Rachel who offered her a seat sympathetically and handed her a pina coloda as the two hostesses observed the pandemonium.

"I WANNA GET LAID!" whined Peter.

"I'M A SCHITZO!"

"I WAS A DUNG BEETLE IN A PAST LIFE!"

"MY BUNNIES ARE EARLESS!"

"I'M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!" shrieked Snape, triumphantly, "IN YOUR FACE, BLACK!"

Everyone silenced and stared at Professor Snape. He had his arm around a rather attractive young girl in a tight black dress.

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter all blinked.

"….Has she been there this whole time?" Rachel spoke up finally.

"Umm…yeah?" said the girl giving her a very strange look, "I'm MG25C, Snape's girlfriend?"

Considering most people have had really spastic names…no one commented on this one.

"How have we been ignoring her this whole time…" muttered Sirius, "And how the hell is she with Snape?"

"Look," said Snape satisfied, "We had wild and crazy sex last night."

"…Mom?" said Remus to 'MG' in disbelief.

"HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE?" shrieked Danielle, "Everybody SHUT UP and Hermione: TRUTH OR FUCKING DARE?"

"Well if you're going to attach the second option with a curse…"

"PICK ONE!"

"Dare!" cried Hermione, throwing up her hands, "Don't eat me!"

Rachel snapped her fingers and another girl appeared instantly by Hermione's side. Danielle stared.

"How the hell did you do that?" she cried, "This _my_ show…how come I can't do that?" Rachel grinned.

"Um, hi people?" said the other girl confusedly, "What's going on?"

"And you are?" prompted Rachel.

"Mary…" said the girl cautiously.

"You. Dare her. To do something. Before I go insane," said Danielle shortly, pointing at Hermione.

"Hmmm…" Mary said thoughtfully, "Here you go." She handed Hermione a copy of _Hogwarts, A History_ and grinned wickedly, "Burn it. Have fun!"

Hermione blinked and stared down at the book.

"Excuse me?" she said in a you-must-be-kidding-me voice.

"Burn…it…" said Mary very slowly, as Draco sauntered up to her and slicked his hair back suggestively.

"Hey…" slurred Draco, in a husky voice, "How you doin'?" Mary blinked at him.

"Dude, where's your penis?" she asked, "And why are you naked?"

"GOD DAMNIT!" roared Draco, "I DO NEED THEM!"

Mary gave Draco a very frightened look and vanished.

"I'VE NEVER BEEN SHOT DOWN BEFORE!" wailed Draco.

"Hey Rachel," said Danielle randomly, "I dare you to make out with Ron."

"…Why?" asked Rachel raising an eyebrow at her.

"So he'll stop mourning over the god damn slippers..." muttered Danielle, annoyed.

Ron perked up, abandoned his slippers and slipped an arm around Rachel's waist.

"Now this is one heck of a fine woman," he growled, and him and Rachel started furiously making out…in Dumbledore's lap.

"YEAH, BABY, YEAH!" cried Dumbledore bouncing up and down.

"Ok….images…" shuddered Danielle turning away from them and focusing on Hermione while Harry and Draco started dancing to Ciara's "1, 2, step" in the background.

"Hermione just burn the god damn book," she said impatiently.

"No," said Hermione firmly, "I won't do it."

"Hermione, you have to."

"NO!"

"HERMIONE!"

"**_NO!_**"

"Hermione, I'll take away your dildo!" threatened Harry. Hermione whimpered.

"Fine!" she spat, "But you're a monster!"

Hermione gazed lovingly at her book.

"Okay…but before I do…there's just one more thing I have to do…" Hermione stroked the book with a tender finger, and then caressed it. Suddenly she bit her lip in longing and pressed her hand vigorously into the book's cover….

"Yes…" she moaned, pressing the book up against her chest and rubbing furiously, "YES! TAKE ME MAN-MEAT!"

"Hermione! It's a book!" cried Lupin, looking rather horrified. Hermione threw him a dirty glare.

"Race means _nothing_ to me!" shouted Hermione as she threw the book down on the floor, lay on top of it, and started thrusting her hips into it.

"Yes…" she cried out in passion, "I don't care if you ARE a teacher, and me a student…I don't care if it's wrong! Oh, YES! OW! OW! Minerva, please! This is my first time! AH! YES! FUCK ME HARDER! PLEASE MINERVA, DON'T HOLD BACK!" she let out a scream of pure pleasure and Harry started cracking up.

"You like McGonagall? THAT'S who you masturbate to with your dildo…and all this time I thought it was Ron…or Snape…"

Snape's girlfriend MG glared at them and started snogging her lover, while Sirius took the liberty of walking over to them and vomiting in their laps.

"I just had to give you my blessing," he said solemnly as Hermione climaxed on the book and let out an elated sigh as she collapsed alongside it.

"BURN IT ALREADY!" shrieked Danielle, making a mental note to erase her memory after this game.

Hermione closed her eyes, took out her wand and set the book ablaze…barely noticing it burn as she rolled over, her eyes still glazed with pleasure, and fell asleep, whispering, "Oh, Minerva…truth or dare my love…"

"Uhh…didn't McGonagall leave?" asked Rachel, pulling Ron off of her for a moment.

"Oh well I guess we'll have to get her then," shrugged Danielle, "YO, PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL! GET YO ASS IN HERE!"

"I'm coming…" came a deep, husky and slutty voice as McGonagall sauntered into the hall, "Truth."

Everybody stared at her.

* * *

**A/N** haha mini cliff hanger. W/e it's all humor so you guys won't die waiting lol. What should Miss "I sleep with the headmaster to keep my job" be asked? I'm thinking of putting up just two more chapters then ending this. :-( so you guys better help me make them good! lol Now REVIEW OR ELSE…NO UPDATE! MWA HAHAHA! Lol I'm review-crazy. :-)

**And within these next two chapters im going to try my best to squeeze everyone who wants to be thrown into the story in for a little bit. I'll try my best to get as many people who've been wanting to be put in as possible. )**

_**REVIEW!**_

_Special Thanks To…DawnAurilain, lil miz pureblood, sweet raptured light, Lorelei Star, Padfootz, GingerNCeline, ronisasexybeast, myself...duh, ezza, modestgoddess, HP Fanatic5, divinething, WheezingGhost, nameless, crackerdoodles, randomchik, Tay'slilgal, Rockergirl, Krispykreme1468, rehgothrhrj, ginny-rules-the-world, blehk, MG25C, Michael Grand, Escritor, Kate, major issues 4 life, PiecesofDecember, bloggart, Weasleylover35753, theLastBLACK17, ballababy91, hi, han and obviously major issues 4 life!_


	8. McGonagall's Truth

**A/N** Heyy guys! LONG TIME no see? So yeah…don't hate me…I can explain. Well, okay sympathize with me here, people. I bet most if not all of you have gone through long periods of fanfiction withdrawal…I mean the work load from school has become freaking INCREDIBLE and ya know the whole having a life, boyfriends, friends, family, even my cat piles up and it's fantastically hard to keep up with it all, so unfortunately…my fanfic stories suffered. I honestly can't tell you how frequent I'll start updating again, but this story can be used as a tension relief, since I quite enjoy writing it, so this one will probably continue to be updated the most now that I've come back on the site for a while. I came because I read some of the reviews and I felt guilty for leaving this story like this lol…so remember to REVIEW! I think I'll write 2 more chapters after that, then that's all for this parody .

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter the property of Ms. J.K. Rowling…if you were not aware of this…please leave.

So I had to go back and re-read this story that I started literally like 2 or 3 years ago so I could get back into the really sick frame of mind I was in when I wrote it. Thank you, once again for putting up with my disgusting sexual references and remember if you can't stomach this…DON'T READ IT!

Oh…and if any of you by any wild chance also read The Unknown Malfoy or Rivendell High…Well Rivendell High is actually all written out on paper…along with ¾ of a SEQUEL…so maybe I'll type that up someday…as for The Unknown Malfoy…there's seriously only like 1 or 2 more chapters left so I WILL finish it very soon damnit, because it'll be my first FINISHED fanfic…sadly…lol.

Enough about me though, let's get back to the sick and twisted game of Truth or Dare: **_Wizard Style_**!

The winner of the "truth" in this chapter is……..

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…………_purtyinpink71121_!……………

**CoNgRaTuLaTiOnS!**

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McGonagall strutted into the hall…looking like a bald French maid. Her legs were covered in fishnets and her sagging breasts were pushed so far up that they dangled over the hem of her black and white maid dress. In one hand she clutched a featherduster, and yes she was completely bald.

Hermione slowly fluttered her eyes open, gradually recovering from her orgasmic experience with _Hogwarts, A History_, and gasped.

"She's so beautiful!" sobbed Dumbledore, "Minnie…Minnie come back to me!"

"She's so…hairless…" cringed Sirius.

Ignoring them both, McGonagall bent over the wide-eyed Hermione, purposely exposing her semi-wrinkled ass to the public.

"My head's not the only thing I shaved, kitten," she purred at Hermione, who looked like she was about to pass out from desire.

"Why do girl's shave themselves down there?" Peter inquired offhandedly to Sirius and Remus, "I mean…I wouldn't really know, but I think I'd like it hairy."

"You'd like it anyway you can get it," commented Sirius.

"And HOW do they do it anyway?" persisted the ignorant Peter, "I mean…with a RAZOR…what if they miss and…and chop something off…"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" shrieked Danielle.

"AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THEY _WAX_ IT!" Dumbledore screamed indignantly, "I know, I used to be a professional Brazilian waxier before my headmaster days…I cleaned those pussies good…I still do it a little on the side these days, Ginny Weasley, for instance—"

"EW!" cried Ron, "YOU SHAVED MY SISTER'S VAGINA?"

"No…I WAXED your sister's vagina…haven't you been listening?"

"MY REAL NAME IS DONNA!" 'MG,' sobbed into a bewildered Snape's shoulder.

"WHAT?" he cried, "HOW COULD YOU KEEP THIS FROM ME…YOU…YOU _WHORE!_"

"SHUT UP! PLEASE EVERYONE, SHUT UP!" Danielle roared, "McGonagall, Hermione asked you a question I suggest you answer it NOW!"

"Truth," McGonagall responded, her voice sultry as she fluttered her eyelashes suggestively at Hermione…who couldn't seem to coherently respond.

"Okay, bring on the assistance," yawned Rachel, snapping again and causing quite a pretty girl to materialize.

"I know the drill," she said quickly, "My name is Skye. And ask McGonagall if she was really a virgin when she met Dumbledore…I mean come on, if so that's quite sad."

"…I think I'm in love with this girl." Declared Remus.

"Hey, no way you can't have a hot girl!" exclaimed Sirius.

"You want a hot girl, big boy?" smirked Skye sauntering over to Sirius and sitting in his lap.

Sirius grinned widely, "You know it, baby."

"BITCH!" shouted Danielle scrambling over to them, "Get off of him or get outta the hall!"

"Oh, I'm sorry do you own the great hall?" replied Skye coolly. Danielle grit her teeth and slapped her right off of Sirius's lap.

"FUCK!" shouted Skye, pulling Danielle down to the floor with her by the hair and punching her in the stomach.

"_Two _hot girls…fighting each other…over me…" Sirius leaned back in ecstasy, "all that's missing now is pudding…"

Meanwhile, Ron had slowly started licking up co-host Rachel's neck and she became involved in yet another steamy snogging fest on top of the faculty table so Hermione and McGonagall were left to fend for themselves.

"I…was _not_ a virgin…" McGonagall trembled, "Before Albus…I was RAPED."

"RAPED?" gasped all those not involved in either a fight or a make out session, which now excluded Donna and Snape as Snape had handcuffed her to the back of Dumbledore's dining chair and started applying whip cream all over her.

"Yes!" McGonagall cried, "In my bed! Here at Hogwarts, only a few years ago…well…not exactly in my bed…" she blushed, "I had falled asleep underneath some playboy magazines in the Gryffindor common room and…"

"THAT WAS _YOU_!" Draco shrieked, horrified, "You were sexy playboy maiden in the Gryffindor common room who I fucked with a champagne bottle AND my dick?"

"YOU RAPED ME!" shrieked McGonagall, "You raped a teacher! That's it Mr. Malfoy…I've no choice but to…to rape you back!"

"Rape me…back? What the hell are you talking about?" asked Draco, slowly backing away from the French maid clad senior professor.

"Since you have no dick, this'll have to do!" McGonagall shouted sadistically as she shoved her feather duster up Draco's ass, "FEEL THE WRATH OF MY VIBRATOR!"

"YOUR FEATHERDUSTER VIBRATES?" moaned Dumbledore, "Aw Minnie, SHOVE IT UP _MY_ ASS!"

"DUMBLEORE!" Ginny Weasley sang out as she entered the great hall in a slutty Minnie mouse costume (complete with mouse ears), "I CAN BE JUST AS GOD AS MINERVA…LET ME SHOW YOU HOW GOOD I CAN BE! The way you waxed my pussy…I want more. I want you to pour hot wax all over my body and pull it off and when you wax my boobs pull it off so hard you can take my nipples with it if you like!"

Thankfully, Ron was too busy making out with Rachel to hear this.

But McGonagall left the violently vibrating featherduster up the now very enthusiastic Draco's ass and came over and kissed Ginny hard on the mouth. Immediately Dumbledore ran over to join in the hottest threesome of his life as Harry burst out into dance to Fergie's "London Bridge" in the background.

"Ginny!" gasped out McGonagall, "Ginny, darling…truth or dare?"

"Dare, of course!" grinned Ginny, "Dare me something dirty, Mamma G…you know how I like it dirty…"

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**A/N** Oh wow…it feels weird to write this stuff again after so long lol. Maybe that's why this one was so short. Only** 2 more chapters left**, people. So if you'd be so kind as to REVIEW what dirty deeds you'd like to see lil miss Ginny perform, it'd be much appreciated. Or you know, just REVIEW to make me happy to return after such a long break. once again, I'm very sorry for the extreme shortness.

_A Very Special Thanks To: GingerNCeline, lil miz pureblood, Lorelei Star, sweet raptured light, tahomafont, dreadlockedpencil, PiecesofDecember (which, I must say, I think is one of the coolest pen names, EVER), divinething, MrS-SiRiUs-BlAck, ashlitamalfoy, Cheese the Crazy Dancer, snitchette, ExtraordinaryGirl09, singing-lover29, Megan, dude, Weasleylover35753 (yayy Rachel!), anime sci-fi chick who loves books, Violet Kefira, Krispykreme1468, Living it up, QueenFreaK, entrancer, tavi, ginny-wannabe, terratasha, PsychoticDeath, major issues 4 life, stone, Lady Silverhawk, luniepoo, MG25C (DONNA! ), PusanGal, hermione obsessed fan, purtyinpink71121 (Ms. Skye!), theLastBLACK17, BlackMystick, Rowling Writer. & Norbert the Dragon._


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